literature

Please please please.

Deviation Actions

dweckie's avatar
By
Published:
352 Views

Literature Text

There's a coffee stain on my white dress
And dust in your room's emptiness,
Tattoo your name upon my skin
Wait for the day you walk back in.

Two whole years; they passed so slow
Had time to watch each season go
Summer, Winter, Autumn, Bed
I'd rather think of you instead

Throw vivid looks of hate and rage
At the blankness of my diary's page;
Carve your initials on a tree
Trace the lines that ink your name to me.

Blood red paint thrown at the walls
Deface what's mine but not what's yours-
Look at our photos, try to breathe
Don't make me cry again; please please please.
#26 of the 100 themes challenge, "Tears". [link]

Yes, I skipped twenty five of them. Maybe I won't do this in order after all XD
Constructive feedback always appreciated (:
© 2012 - 2024 dweckie
Comments24
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Kiefer115's avatar
This is really good, the language you used is perfect and it creates vivid images which brilliantly highlight both the subject of the poem and the emotions felt in the piece. My favourite lines are:

"Blood red paint thrown at the walls
Deface what's mine but not what's yours"

My only criticism is that maybe you could have controlled the amount of syllables in some of the lines a little more as the flow occasionally falters, but that's a minor thing.

KH